How I came to the lotus feet of Srila Guru Maharaj
Our Math’s brahmacharis went to preach in Nadan Ghat, and I met with them and mixed with them. One brahmachari named Sudarsan Brahmachari made much illusion over me, and I was convinced. Now I am thinking, how was it possible? It is the grace of Lord Krishna. I was attracted to Lord Siva, but Krishna was my heart and soul, Sri Sri Radha-Krishna. That was our family tradition and also my lifestyle. But Lord Siva was in the middle. I think he was like Guru. At present I think that.
At that time I did not have so much consciousness, but now I think I was illusioned by that brahmmachari, Sudarsan Brahmachari. There were five or six brahmacharis in a group for preaching in Nadan Ghat, and I was attracted to their preaching matters. But that brahmachari made me temporarily renounced from worldly affairs, and I became liberated. And leaving everything, I went to Nabadwip to Srila Guru Maharaj. Finally, I think it was the mercy of Lord Krishna and Lord Siva. Before I was born my father promised Siva, “If you give me this one boy child, I shall make him your sannyasi when he is sixteen years old.”
I heard that this was his promise, but I did not remember anything [about that at that time]. I was in the illusion of Sudarsan Prabhu. Later, I remembered everything, but that time I was very much affected. Sudarsan Prabhu told me a verse from Srimad Bhagavat,
gurur na sa syat sva-jano na sa syat
pita na sa syaj janani na sa syat
daivam na tat syan na patis cha sa syan
na mochayed yah samupeta-mrtyum
(Srimad Bhagavatam: 5.5.18)
[“That guru is no guru, that relative is no relative, that father is no father, that mother is no mother, that god is no god, and that husband is no husband who cannot save you from imminent death. (Any so-called guru, relative, father, mother, god or husband who cannot save you from imminent death should be abandoned at once.)”]
What I understood then I do not know, but I was very attracted. And how I came away from the material illusion, that also I do not know. I cannot feel what was the cause. But finally I understand that this was Lord Siva’s illusion. Lord Krishna was smiling to see that, and Srila Guru Maharaj gave shelter to me finally.
Spoken on 12 May 2006.